Fat & Hot

Did you know the hotter it is, the fatter you feel. I am experiencing a huge increase in fatness since it is almost 100 degrees outside. I can't stand feeling large. I started Slim Fast today & this is how it went:

Slim Fast
Diet Coke
Non-fat latte
Lemon protein bar
Garden burger
Macaroni salad
Another Diet Coke
Salad
Good N Plenty
Chicken Kabob
Corn
& I'm thinking about having a fudgesicle.

Why can't I say no. Why can't I exercise. Why am I a sloth? Why am I lazy?

Okay, I'm done now.

I once had a Dad & a sister too

I miss my Dad. I think about him every day. Sometimes I can feel him over my shoulder.

I had a sister too but I don't miss her. I miss the idea of having a sister. When I was little, I worshiped my sister. I wanted to grow up & be her maid. She did lots of mean things to me growing up & it affected who I was but not who I became. It's frustrating because I let myself get sucked back in to the idea of having a sister to once again but it was only temporary.

It's true that money means security but it is also the root of evil.

Since when is 55 the new 45???

I started a full time job and every morning I make the 40 minute commute. There is a stretch of land that I drive through that is farmland. The speed limit is 55mph which, of course, means 60mph. Every morning I get behind someone who will not go over 45mph. There are no cars in front of them and I get thoroughly frustrated with these people. I may tailgate a little bit but not too often because there are those who also feel the need to not only go under the speed limit, but also brake for absolutely no reason. I may have to revert the horn. I got out of the horn habit when I moved to Oregon because no one seems to honk here. I have my time planned out on the way to work, where I need to be and by what time but these morons who can't drive are all messing it up for me. They should have a moron, can't drive lane and a lane for expert drivers.

The Great Day That Went Astray

I forgot my password so I couldn't blog for a bit.

Anyway, E & I decided to go and get new tattoos and then go to the Warped Tour to see Bad Religion and NOFX. After several passive aggressive attempts, I was unable to get tickets for free and had to pay for them. Not something I like to do. I was spoiled for so many years with the free tix, I no longer like to pay for them. I texted an old friend to find out exactly what time the bands were going on as I had no desire to be there all day.

So E & I go to the greatest tattoo place, Sea Tramp Tattoo. E gets this amazing flower with skulls inside. It looks sooo good. I decided to get the words, "Fight On," in memoriam of my father who loved USC. I couldn't decide where to get it. First I thought along the side of my torso, then I thought maybe my back, but I finally chose the top of my arm almost at my shoulder. Needless to say, I look like I just got out of prison and am ready to rejoin my gang. I HATE it!!! It got infected. I am not sure why as I know how to care for it. It was red and puffy and angry. It has healed now but looks all wrinkly and some of the color has come off. I need to get something added so I look less gangster. I don't wear sleeveless shirts because of my teacher arms so the only person who really sees it is W and of course every morning, he says, "When did you get out of prison?" Ha Ha

So after our tattoos, we headed out to the county fairground to see Warped. I paid, hoping no one would notice me paying because, of course, it's all about me. It was extremely hot and extremely dusty. I don't do heat or dirt so I was not a happy camper. I felt my makeup sliding off and the sweat dripping down my back. Bad Religion went on right when we got there. Thanks J for giving me the correct times. After about two songs, I was ready to go. No backstage passes, no VIP section, a bunch of sweaty young kids...need I say more. We stayed to see NOFX. Maybe I am just too old, but both bands played only a half hour set and each was a half hour too long. I was bored to tears after the first couple of songs and could not wait to leave.

So I paid $80 bucks for a prison tattoo and $30 bucks to see two bands for an hour. Lesson learned. It's not going to happen again.

May The Schwartz Be With You

Okay, let's talk about religion.

Growing up, my parents would take us to temple every once in a while. I even went to Sunday school for a little bit. We celebrated every holiday which means we had a Christmas tree, celebrated Easter, etc... Religion was not big in our house. I was, however; mortified that my last name was Schwartz. To me, my last named screamed JEW. I denied being Jewish even though I went to a private school with a bunch of rich Jews. I was embarrassed about it. I thought no guy would ever like me because of my last name and hated when roll was taken in class.

In L.A., every religion was around. No one cared what religion you were or even discussed it. It took 30 something years and a move to Sherwood to change all that.

I knew something was strange when every time I would meet someone new, they would ask what church I went to. They were always taken aback when I said I was Jewish. And then when I told them my husband was Christian, I would hear, "How does that work for you?". What the fuck?? Suddenly being Jewish was kind of cool. I may be the only Jew in Sherwood although it is rumored that there is one more.

In recent years, since A has been in school, I have learned to embrace my religion. Okay, so embrace really isn't the word...I'm not a practicing Jew, but at least I can proudly say I am one. I think the big turnaround was when I suggested at the school PAC (kind of like PTA) meeting that for the holiday season, we display every celebration from around the world, not just Christmas; hence the big old Christmas tree in the middle of the school lobby. This was highly frowned upon and received the comment, "Well, what are you supposed to put Christmas present around?" I knew then that I was on to something. I LOVED pissing off these women! Needless to say, I put up a beautiful display of EVERY winter holiday celebrated around the world.

Next up were the Mormons. The Mormons got the middle school teacher fired and a play shut down because it addressed issues that had to do with bullying, ie: gay students, etc... I spoke at the School Board meeting letting them know just how I felt about that. (That's where the name The Crying Jew was born, but that's a different story all together)

Then, the Mormons tried to get a book, that was taught in AP English for 5 years, banned. It was a big thing in all the newspapers. Fortunately, the school board (who I am not fond of) did the right thing and kept the book. The Mormons then tried to win two school board seats....DENIED!

Seeing such bias, bigotry and bitterness has really made me appreciate who I am even more.

Though I am glad my last name is Phelps :)

The 4th is Over!

When I was growing up, the 4th of July was great. I grew up in Pacific Palisades which, at the time, was like a small town where everyone knew each other and did things together. In the morning, my Dad would run the annual 10K. In the afternoon my parents and their friends saved spots on the curb for the parade. I loved the parade. It had all sorts of marching bands from around L.A. and of course, the mayor of the town had his own float. In our town, the mayor was always a celebrity. I remember Ted Knight & Adam West. Wait..those names really age me. Anyway, after the parade, everyone went to Palisades High School to watch the fireworks show. After that, we all went to our house which was at the top of a hill on a cul de sac, and lit our own fireworks. Every year we had a blast. Except when my sister rear-ended a BMW in my Dad's Mercedes....but that's another story.

So one would think that I would love to do these kinds of traditions with Ave. Unfortunately, no. The 4th is a long holiday with too much noise. Some streets are blocked off, people are annoying and it goes on forever, even when the 4th is over. Am I so jaded, that I no longer enjoy these types of things? I feel like I should find joy in watching my son have fun and enjoy the festivities, but I really don't. I find myself bored and want to be in bed.

The same kind of goes for Easter. Easter was my favorite holiday. Now I find it's a pain in the ass to dye eggs. Poor Ave didn't even get to hunt for eggs one year. I guess it's just laziness on my part.

Am I depriving my child of good childhood memories with my selfishness?

At least I still take him trick or treating!

It's A Miracle!

I am in a good mood. I know, shocking, right? I have nothing to complain about.

I stopped eating sugar about 3 days ago and feel pretty good. The chiropractor has solved my brain tumor problem. I had a good ride and love my horse.

Dare to say, I may actually be the H word.